Posts from — May 2010

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlEqLwVARuY

Its hard to be a Cleveland Fan. Fuck that! It’s torture and excrutiatingly painful to be a Cleveland Fan. Why does the sun never shine on us? Everytime we have a shot at a championship something always gets in the way. I’m not even going to get into the past. Its well known what has happened to us and doesn’t need to be talked about. What the Fuck!  What did we do to deserve this? This is Fucking Bullshit and I’m Fucking sick of it. Every year I hope and pray and remain optimistic about our chances of winning a championship. Every year I am disapointed. I’m Fuckin 43 years old and I am sick of this shit! 

Thats why it is so important that Cleveland finnally wins a title this year . To give a Big FUCK YOU! to all the assholes that have everything and want more. Can’t we have one Fucking moment in the Sun for Crying out loud. New York has won multiple championships in the past 40 years.  Boston! Fucking Boston has championships from all of there teams. L.A. multiple championships. Hell every major and mid major market in the country has won something except for Cleveland. And now people want our only hope to leave.

I was raised during the 70’s when Cleveland was the butt of every joke. I was raised to believe that this place wasn’t a total shithole that the rest of the country made it out to be. Our teams were our badge of honor and were something that represented us. Yeah they sucked. The Tribe was horrible in the 70’s. The Cavs were mostly bad , except for a couple years and the Browns didn’t get it together until 1979. Since then each of these teams has had a shot at a title or two. All have ended in Disapointment.  Now Sports are Media driven. It’s Big money and smaller markets like Cleveland are often overlooked. Baseball wants everyone to believe that everything revolves around 6 or 7 teams. The Yankees, Mets, Red Sox, Phillies, Cubs, Angels and Dodgers.  Now the rest of the Nation wants us to believe that we are not worthy of having a player like LeBron James. They think that the sport would be better off if he were in New York of L.A. Well if that happens I will have no choice but to give up sports because its never going to happen for us. Even if it does happen. Will it change my life? No probably not, but it would give me some kind of closure about the pain of the past.

Noethen Buys a Donkey

[Phone ringing]

Noethen:  Yes, hello, is this Latin Lust Desires?

Muffled Female Voice:  ¿Qué pasa?

Noethen:  Yes, um, I see from your website that you specialize in “Latin Animal Lust”

Muffled Female Voice:  ¿Quién es esto?

Noethen:  Right, I want a disease free Spanish chick with really big –

Muffled Female Voice:  ¿Te gustaría un burro?

Noethen:  Wait, what?  You mean a donkey?  No, no . . .

Muffled Female Voice:   El burro es inteligente

Noethen:  Well, smart is nice . . .

Muffled Female voice:  El burro es grande

Noethen:  I see, a big donkey, but –

Muffled Female Voice:  El burro es largo

Noethen:   Long too – I got it.

Muffled Female Voice:  500 pesos para el burro.

Noethen:   Send it right over. 

The events you are about to read about are true. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent.

May 15, 1982  12:51 a.m.

I’m 15 and riding my bike home from a sensational evening spent drinking Little Kings, Smoking Brown Aqueduct Weed, and finger banging Barbie Deek all night. It’s a warm and quiet night with virtually no traffic anywhere in sight until I arrive at the intersection of Castle and Garman. In the distance I can see a car moving pretty fast towards me and I can hear the muffled sounds of music blaring from the car stereo.  As I wait at the intersection for the car to pass I notice that it’s not slowing down as it approaches the 4 way stop. In fact it doesn’t stop. As I’m sitting there at the corner a Big Gray 1968 Cadillac blows through the stop sign , turns hard to the left , slides into the middle of the intersection, I hear some screams and a guy throws a empty beer bottle at me and the driver floors the gas pedal and continues down Castle at a high rate of speed.  All I could think about was ” I’ve got to party with those guys!”            This was the first time that I had seen or heard of VanderArk. As I found out later It was VanderArk Driving with Steve Brubaker , who threw the beer bottle at me, Chris Medvedeff and Bill Wise. All of whom were on 2 hits each of Blotter Acid and on their way back from the Kinks concert at the Coliseum.

Vanderark and I became friends shortly thereafter due to our common interests in the three D’s. Drinking, Drugs and Destruction. We both were big Fans of National Lampoon, especially the stories of O.C. and Stiggs. They were our heroes and we tried to emulate everything they did. From launching Piss Balloons at people ( which by the way did not work very well) to trying to get William Holden styled drunk from the booze we would steal from our parents liquor cabinets, to just good old fashioned fun like roof riding or heaving old T.V.’s out of the back of speeding cars. We were living the dream!